The opening lines of Transformers 3: Dark of the Moon resonate with me throughout the movie:
"We were once a peaceful race of intelligent mechanical beings".
Michael Bay was once a good director of talented cast members.
The latest film in the Transformers series has Shia LaBeouf return as Sam Witwicky, and Rosie Huntington-Whiteley replace Megan Fox as primary love interest, Carly Spencer.
When a mystifying event from Earth's past hits up the planet in present day it threatens to bring war that the Transformers alone cannot promise to win.
The movie shifts from the early 60s to present day rather nicely.
Bay's 60s prologue features Kennedy in the White House, with the suggestion that the space race between the USA and USSR kicked off when both countries detected an unknown vessel that had crashed on the moon. From then on, anticipation builds in present day until full on mayhem ensues.
For action lovers, the third in Michael Bay's series of sci-fi epics does not disappoint.
The Autobots and the Decepticons have some marvellous on screen battles which are enhanced in 3D, there's a spine-tingling action sequence in Chicago which lasts a full hour and the finale is an impressive mix of physical staging, live-action stunt work, location shooting and visual effects.
The sound track is equally promising, if a little Inception-esque, but that's hardly surprising seeing as the score was composed by musical extraordinaire Hans Zimmer.
Along with Zimmer's trademark harmonies, the action scenes are complimented with songs from Linkin Park, Paramore, My Chemical Romance and Staind.
It is the acting ability which fails to transform itself on the big screen. Replacing Fox with a model was a risk which didn't pay off for Bay.
Huntington-Whiteley comes straight from a Victoria's Secret runway - and it shows. Sadly her role incorporates a little more than standing around modelling the latest fashions. Passion and chemistry are forced and faux, so much so that LaBeouf's acting suffers as a result.
Patrick Dempsey is an unconvincing villain, but perhaps that's a little more to do with me unable to associate him with any character aside from McDreamy.
Grey's Anatomy fans beware - you won't be swooning over him in this.
The film is saved by moments of brief comedy, whether it be Witwicky's incessant wailing or Ken Jeong's role as Jerry Wang. Although strikingly similar to his character Chow in The Hangover series, Jeong is more than capable of providing a few chuckles.
Action thrillers will not be let down by this jam-packed film, but those seeking something with a little more substance should look elsewhere.
And oh, Rosie, don't quit your day job.